Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Randomize
