I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
