I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
