My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
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He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
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And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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