I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
