end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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