do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
