dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
