I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
