I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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