...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize