She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
