Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
