also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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