i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
