hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
