We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
