I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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