Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
