How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
well you can't waste a boner
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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