i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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