I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
