i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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