Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
