I puked a lego.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
