Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
