Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
