Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
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