'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize