dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
