I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
