Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
