Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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