Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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