In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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