dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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