You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
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The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize