Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
