I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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