Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
