You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
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Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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