dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
