Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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