my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
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I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
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im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
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