sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
