so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
