I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
