I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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