I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
