Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
