did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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