dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
