I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
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Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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