I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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