you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
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Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
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On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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