You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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