I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
