I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
